Happy 4th Birthday Big Girl!

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Holy moley. You are four today! My little girl is entering into a new exciting world full of new discoveries. The next year will be full of new things: new baby sister or brother; preschool; so much!

The past year has been a very busy one for our family. You have been such a bright and shiny part to each busy day. You begin each day by picking out your own outfit of such style: usually a frilly princess dress "just because", topped with my one and only pair of high heals or mismatched shoes. You have just started to allow me to put pigtails in your hair and keep them in for more than two seconds.

You LOVE to play horse: you're the baby horse and I'm the Mama horse. We crawl everywhere on our hands and knees. The baby horse sleeps a lot, getting all cozy under chairs and sneaking into small spaces.

You have a very fearless side to you. You are VERY CLOSE to riding without training wheels and love it when Dad takes you mountain biking on the trailer bike, yelling "wheeeeee! Faster" at the scary parts. You tell Dad to "Go sit over there" across the room at ECFE so you can sit by yourself and do your own thing--all the while flashing him "I love you!" smiles the whole time to let him know he's still special. You tell us that you are going to walk to school by yourself when you start preschool next year (I've got news for you..no way!). You have kicked Dad out of your speech class and told him you want to go by yourself. I'm pretty sure if you knew how, you'd take a Greyhound bus to visit Grandma all by yourself. When you visited a horse ranch, you were convinced you would climb up on the horse and take off into the sunset by yourself. And I know you, you would.

Your favorite companion throughout the day is Grunty the cat. Whenever you suddenly disapear from site, we know that you are most likely somewhere upstairs with Grunts. We will find Grunty wrapped up in your arms, doing his cat smile, as you sing him cat lullabies and wrap him in cozy blankets. Usually, he loves this.

You get wrapped up in what you are doing sometimes and have a hard time hearing my voice. I've learned that to kickstart your listening to make our activities magical and utilize your love of play. We put on our fairy capes or silly shoes and do some crazy walks. This is when I have energy.

You are a little woman with a fierce spirit and a very kind heart. It is the perfect pairing for all the good you do for the world, here and throughout your life. You will be a phenomenal big sister for the little one to look up to, while you love and nurture him or her with all your might.

Happy birthday, my little butterfly. I can't believe it's been 4 years since you were the little one rocking and rolling inside me and greeting me after your beautiful birth. I am so honored to by your Mama and recieve the loving smile that lights up your entire being every time you look at me. You fill my soul up with such sweet love, I could just burst.

I love you as big as your smiling eyes.

Delicious Last Days

Here is what I want to remember about the last few days with babe tucked away inside.

Aidan asking very inquisitive questions about the workings of birth and women's bodies. I love that he asks me these questions and that I can answer them without cracking up or making him feel silly. I think he pretty much thinks women rock and I love that.


Aidan telling me that the best way to get the baby out is to "have a dance party", so naturally that's what we've been doing. He also told me, after hugging me with all his might, to have a "private dance party" after him and Nevie go to bed...totally thought Shawn was behind that one, but turns out he wasn't! How cute is that?

Nevie and her endless questions. I love that she is wearing her bracelet from the blessingway and will not take it off until baby comes.

Nevie asking "where the baby is" as she looks under my arm, my elbow, knee and so on.

I want to remember Nevie's face when we sang "In this circle", but replaced it with "In this sister" during the blessingway. She quietly held my hand and stroked my fingers as we sang.

I want to remember that I am the rock of the family, and when I let the hormones roll and take over, inevitably the husband and children follow suit! It's pretty funny when you're out of it and have some perspective...but pure insanity in the midst of it.

I want to remember moonlit walks with friends, thinking about this baby and this new family of five. Digging holes in the beach for the belly and the pure bliss of laying on my belly in the sun. Swimming in Lake Superior with a waaaaay too small bikini but not caring. Odd nesting like NEEDING new perennials for our gardens and being so contagious about it that Shawn and I spent a delicious day doing gardening together and buying up plants at our garden center. Banging my belly on unsuspecting people when I try to "sneak by" like I used to, once causing someone to spill their coffee. Banging my belly on a family bike ride to the park, and showing Aidan I can still jump curves.

The rolling and kicking and rolling around some more of this little one. How baby changes positions, even now, depending on how I sit, lay down, etc. The constant companionship throughout the day, checking out from life and checking in with baby. The conversations me and baby have about being a team in labor and helping each other through the birth so we can see each other faster.

Can't wait to meet you baby cakes. Whenever you're ready.

Ye Ol' Neglected Blog

When did life become so full? As I reach the final weeks of pregnancy and wrapping up my work life to focus on my mama-life I am realizing the need to do some reflection and reorganization of my life.

I remember the simplicity of getting ready for Neve's arrival. I finished up my visiting with families, wished them well and left work with a happy heart and arms open to whatever lay ahead. Things are a bit different now. I am mourning a bit of that sweet simplicity as I'm realizing how much more I have taken on in the past 3 years.

I've come to realize I must be a person that likes to shake things up and shake it up often. I've added so much more to my plate-wonderful, delicious projects-but I am feeling overfull and in need of balance. It's been a bit hard to let things go and delegate for my absence. It is wonderful to have passion for your work...but it makes it so hard to let go of! But, I know I must and these baby days are way too short to try to mingle with anything else.

We are slowly getting ready for the wee one to come. I've got all the necessary goods. The car seats are shoved into place in both cars. The appointment is made to have it all checked out and therefore avoid a minivan (for now)--cross your fingers! I've had a little nesting obsession with buying pajamas, thinking they will be my costume for a while.

My body is getting ready a bit more than my household. I'm already dilated to 2cm and have started to thin out a bit. I really have to watch my lifting/walking/everything at this point so I can make it to 36 weeks and still birth at home. The birth tub is coming the day I turn 36 weeks and the birth team is comfortable with those dates. Personally, I'm sending my energy to July 7th for birth day. It's a full moon and just seems like a good day to have a baby.




These last weeks are bittersweet in sooo many ways. I look at my little girl-still my little baby in my mind- and my heart explodes at the thought that she will instantly seem huge and grown up the minute the babe comes, just as her brother did. I am lamenting not spending more one on one time with her, being goofy and silly, making her feel like the world shines down on her for a while.



And my skinny, suddenly lanky boy who is all legs and arms! He is getting so big that I sometimes forget he needs his mama time too. My heart aches when I think that he so much wants this time, but will not actively seek it out like his sister, like he used to just a few moments back. I need to find time to be truly present with him.

The other day I was complementing Neve on her drawings (well, more like doing an all-out song and dance about them) at the dinner table and Aidan quietly says "how come I don't get that kind of reaction for my drawings?". Just before dinner he had came up to me while I was on the computer to show me his drawing and I did a classic "hmmm, that's nice" without really looking. I of course told him they are both amazing artists. Then, I snuck upstairs and bawled my eyes out. A little wake up call to a preggo with raging hormones, but a wake up call indeed.

So, in these last weeks filled with nesting, preparing, planning, delegating and blessing ways I hope to set aside some time for reflection on where we go from here. As a family and as a mother of three! I am getting excited to meet this little one rolling around in there. What a beautiful gift to take some time out and reevaluate life.

Bazoo is SEVEN!

Seven! When did your baby face get so handsomely chiseled like your dad's? Your legs sprout like skinny bean pole/frog legs, ready to leap around the yard? Your arms stretch out ridiculously long like gumby? When did you turn into a such a school boy?

You remain one of the most interesting people I've had the privilage to know. You are intensely curious about the world and everything in it. If there is something you are wondering about, you will search it out and be an expert on the subject by the end of the day. Yet, you are playful with it and make your own versions of machines and more with stuff around the house, convinced that you can do anything. You have me convinced as well.

You have found a passion in mountain biking, which makes your Dad your sidekick. You look so grown up on your bike. I love seeing your confidence build and build as you make your way through the woods.

Legos entered your life a year or so ago and haven't left your daily attention since. Lately it is PowerMiners that you enjoy, especially now that neighbor Andrew has been enlisted as your assistant. I think your homegrown creations are even more interesting.

Sometimes you need a little help to explore the areas that don't come easy for you. But, we've learned that once your confidence improves, these areas quickly come easy! Piano is one of those areas. Your piano teacher is amazed every week at how much you are learning. And we just can't seem to get enough of "Coo-Coo" and "Ompah-Pah-Pah" and "Carousel" at our house. Every spare moment (such as that quick 15 seconds before going out the door), your fingertips are tickling the ivories.

Another area is t-ball. Luckily, you've got the world's cutest coach-DAD! (I could eat him up watching him) to help you get more comfortable with the game. Every week you get better and better, every practice just a little bit more confident in yourself.

I hope you always realize what an amazing gift you are to this world. I hope you continue to stay true to your self and stand strong in what you believe. I hope you continue to be curious and explore the world with the sense that if you don't like something, you have the ability to be the change you wish to see in the world (thanks Gandhi). Don't give up if it doesn't come easy the first try. Just think of "Coo-Coo".

I love you my little boy. The little man who made me a Mama. You've taught me so much about life and what is important. Have a great year of lucky seven.

Coming Out Swinging

It is becoming obvious that I am desperate for a pregnancy photographer. My 6 year son, who previously would jump at the opportunity to be photographer, suddenly runs away at the site of the camera, or takes photos while simultaneously throwing it back at me. Here's the best I could get :).

I've been feeling a bit spent lately...I'm thinking the fact that babe is coming soon & I've got a million things to plan for work-wise, money-wise and household-wise is finally coming to realization. I've been told I put too many things on my plate and never quite believe it until I have to delegate all of it to others so I can let it go. Hard to do! But it is all falling into place, just as life always does when you let it. Transition is always a time of weird energy for me. I know that after this stormy season if I put it all in place as it should be I can let go and simply enjoy my new babe & family for four months without anything else hanging over my head. That will feel so good.

This little one is so strong! I've never had a baby where I can truly make out the outline of a foot by simply looking at my belly. It is amazing. Also amazing is how this little one gets more active with some people, and calms down with others. With Aidan & I, baby is a kicking machine. With Shawn & Nevie, baby calms down. They don't even have to talk, this little one must just pick up on their energy. It blows my mind to really think about it.

We have been busy on the nicer days with bike rides, trips to the beach and hanging in the backyard. I've needed to be okay with keeping things simple. On one of my sorrier days, I was apologizing to the kids for not being as fun as I'd like to. Aidan very seriously says while in the midst of building a lego creation, "Mom, you're having a baby, you are supposed to be tired because it's hard work! You're the best Mom I know. What, do you want to be the best Mom in all the universes beyond ours or what?" I burst out crying and probably scared the crap out of him. He has a way of just saying it exactly like I need to hear it. I need to repeat what I say to the Moms I work with: I only have to be a "good enough" Mom--there are lessons for everyone in that. Hmmmmm, seems to be a theme in many parts of my life, doesn't it?

I FINALLY finished Nevie's 3 year old birthday book, now that the eve of her 4 year old birthday is around the corner! Check it out here. I love doing these books--they are the perfect reflection time on a year with these little spirits and what they bring to the world. I hope to get Aidan's done in the next month, now that I'm on a roll.

Now, on with the plans! On the agenda is a very full list-but it is all going to melt away one step at a time.

Holding Steady

Holding steady over here in pregnancy land. I don't seem to be enlarging at the same rate anymore, and movement has slowed down a bit. Can you hear me sigh relief? I'm still in a bit of denial that this is happening. And soon! At least we have most baby things, except for cloth diapers, which we sold after Neve. But, I think I can accumulate them little by little here and there for when we need them. I probably wouldn't need them until 3 months thanks to big-Mama-L and her crates o'diapers (love you for that lady).

I learned out to make a way-way (Indian Swing) (not the best picture, but the only one I could find) from an elder in the Native community last week. I'm convinced I want to give it a try this time. The babe looks so secure and cozy, and at our Health Native Babies training learned it is a very safe sleep area for babies. I'm excited to use it outside in the yard between our pine trees and when we go camping. There's some modern versions like this, but seriously, why do that when all you need it a blanket, some rope and two sticks? It makes me smile just to think about that sweet baby safely swinging in the trees like hundreds of babes hundreds of years ago.

Meanwhile the other chitlens seem to be growing up at a fast pace. I helped Aidan fill out a two-page application to the student council (for First Grade!) and it was seriously more in depth than many applications I've done in my life. He was very serious about it-bursting through the door digging out the form and explaining what it is (a group for kids to lead on respecting their school and keeping it safe for learning), shouting "that is ME! that is what I'm ALL ABOUT!". I have to agree.

Nevie sways back and forth from a tiny little baby in my eyes to a teenager in two seconds flat. Her favorite game is hide and seek, and on mom's lazy days (when I don't want to get up from the couch), she will ask me to play, grab a blanket and "hide" on my lap while I count. She also "hid" in a see through laundry basket two inches in front of my face, just standing there with a serious expression staring back at me.

She is going leaps and bounds with her speech-I'm so proud of her. Her teacher has really come around and "speech class" feels more like playtime to her--the way it should be. We've been working on letters and numbers and shapes, and she has been spelling things and amazing us with questions on "how do you spell....." and then doing it! Her drawings are getting more and more complicated and hilarious and amazing. Yesterday she drew a "machine" that was so meticulous I couldn't believe it.

Shawn and I are still in budget land...just one week away from having a full emergency fund! I am a bit obsessed with it and I think I might push Shawn over the edge. Who's the accountant here?!?! I guess the control freak in me trumps the CPA in him:). I'm proud of us though, to go from absolutely no oversight to knowing where every dime goes-it's such an awesome feeling. Soon I will be giving debt pay off updates--aren't you excited?

I hope to have someone (hint, hint) take some belly pictures sometime soon. Meanwhile, here are some budding artists creations a la Neve.

One Big Mama, BIG SLEEP, One Little Budget

I am forcing myself to update this blog. My brain does not want to think anymore at the end of my day! But I've also been thinking about some things I don't want to forget, so here goes the cliff notes.

Pregnancy wise, the drama continues. I am seriously one big Mama in the middle. At my 20 week exam last week, I measured at 26 weeks, about six cm above where you should be around this time. It is a FULL uterine house in there, with many little parties happening all day long. I am wondering when this little one sleeps! I feel movements down low, then in the middle, then some up high. This baby is a mover! Aidan & Nevie were never this active. I actually never fully believed people when they said a kick made them jump and/or took their breath away. Do now.

It's been fun to play little baby games. I'm quite shocked this is happening so soon (are you sick of me saying that yet?!?!). I can do a little tap-tap-tap then put my finger on my belly and get a tap-tap-tap back. I move to another area and watch my belly do the wave while baby moves over to that spot to play.

Aidan and Nevie are getting super excited. Aidan makes my heart soar with the way he organizes things in his mind. The other day he rattled off every person he knows that is having a baby or just had a baby. He's been seeking them out at school! He then explains he's been having "talks" with these people to see what it's been like, "just so I can remember again". He tries and tries to feel baby kick, and has just a few times. Out of the blue on one of the many occasions he was trying, he said "Mom, this little baby loves me so much he (yes, he thinks it's a he) doesn't want to kick me". So now he talks to the baby to tell him/her that it IS polite to kick when he/she is inside.

Nevie has daily cuddle time with my belly and won't let me touch it. She sings the baby songs and talks in a super high voice. This morning she got up and cuddled with me before work and she lifted up my shirt and said "how did you sleep baby, all curled up in there?", then explained how she slept and what she dreamed about.

Speaking of sleep, these kids are AWESOME! Both kids are now going to sleep on their own after stories and staying in their beds ALL NIGHT LONG. My body doesn't know what to do with uninterrupted sleep. We started a "responsibility chart" where daily responsibilities receive a star..this including sleep in their beds until the sun shines. It is working like a charm and we're on week two of heavenly bliss. It's one of those lessons in waiting until they're ready.

In other news, Shawn and I are in a Total Money Makeover. Nerds, I know. We are only on the first step (getting an emergency fund), but should be moving to step two (debt snowball) next month. The budgeting has definitely been the hardest part-but I can't believe how freeing it is with the simple act of telling your money where to go, rather than letting it run your life. I can't wait to watch our debt disappear-even though it will be a loooong road. We'll get there.